Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Sheitel Hair

To navigate the shidduch world, people have to know that one is available, no? So of course I attend weddings dressed to kill, mix & mingle accordingly, attend shul regularly, and commit other crimes to ensure eligible, potential shadchanim are aware of my existence. 

But there is one issue that stands in my way: I have sheitel hair.
Via Sidney Eisner Copyright Yochi Eisner The Kallah Whisperer
Baruch Hashem my hair is full, thick, wavy, and otherwise great. But no one realizes that it wasn't purchased.

"You have lovely children."  

"No, no, they're not mine."

"So your folks are on Aldaran; where do you live?"

"At home." Blank stare.

"With them." Blink.

"I'm not married." Face clears in comprehension.

"And this is your hus—?"

"Brother. My brother."

It has become so bad that I no longer stand next to Luke in public, as everyone assumes we are spouses instead of siblings. Despite his bad back, my father snatches away my baby nephew from my arms at simchas to ensure that no one thinks he's mine. I blatantly flex my naked left hand fingers. I wear a high tight ponytail most of the time, attempting to prove that the hair on my head could not possibly be fake.

All for naught. 

I still end up having to tug my pony and say, "It's attached."

My niece P'chech, at the age of three, has worked it out already. 

"Bobby and Mommy's hair comes off because they are married," she chirps. "Mine doesn't, see? Because I'm not married." 


FrumGeek said...

Well considering how Luke and Leia act toward each other early on, I'm not surprised they think that! lol! (And I hope your folks made it off Aldaran in time!)

Being serious for a moment, I have the exact opposite problem. Due to my height and baby face, people assume I'm 15 or so as opposed to 22. Heck, two years ago I was davening in a place that had barely a minyan and the guy who was counting asked me if I was bar mitzvah yet!!! I was 20!!!!

Princess Lea said...

I definitely have the opposite issue. My sister's neighbor tried to set me up when I was 14. Hence my obsession with anti-aging creams.

Being in space would be wonderful: no wrinkles!

And Leia only kissed Luke to aggravate Han!

FrumGeek said...

Your height probably had something to do with it as well.

I think you'll enjoy this:

Princess Lea said...

True. Although I wasn't as tall at 14 as I am now.

Dude, that link is hysterical.

LL said...

LOL! I look my age but hair-wise I'm the total opposite - my hair is soooo NOT-sheitle! It's really really curly and long and it's kinda all over the place in a way that a shetle never will be! Plus I only really straighten it like twice a year and on those occasions it doesn't stay straight for long :P so no ones every thought I'm married. That said, one or two people have sometimes thought so when I was with my nephews and nieces but they just thought that I didn't cover t hair (many people in y community don't)

Princess Lea said...

Same here; plenty in my community don't cover their hair either, so most really do think I am married to my brother. A local guy I was set up with thought so. Awkwaaaaard.

FrumGeek said...

I can only imagine! lol!

Some people in my community cover their hair, while others don't. The sad part is that I know a lot of them who used to when they moved in, but a few years later stopped as gradually their skirts got shorter...

LL said...

It's better to start off not covering hair if ur not ready yet. And then doing it but by bit. There's nothing worse than starting off covering and then stopping...

Yochi Eisner said...

This is my photograph - used without my permission - pls remove or give credit as follows: Photograph Sidney Eisner Copyright Yochi Eisner The Kallah Whisperer
Yochi Eisner

Princess Lea said...

My apologies! I did not realize; I merely copied it from another blog. I have captioned the credit where credit is due, unless you prefer I remove it completely.