Thursday, October 11, 2012

We Shall Kill You With Cuteness

I hope I don't get shot for this. 

I have quite a fleet of kinfauna. And of course, I find them adorable, the cutest beings ever to grace this planet, etc, etc. However, one thing I certainly have noticed is that no one else is interested. 
http://img1.etsystatic.com/000/0/6172474/il_570xN.235573693.jpg
Sometimes I log onto FB to be hit with photo after photo of someone's oh-so-yummy son, daughter, niece, or nephew. Look at him play! Look at her drool! Isn't he hysterical with that ice cream mustache? Check out my boo-ba's new shoes! Aaaaw. 

Yawn. 
http://weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/my-baby-moved-an-inch-better-take-another-picture.jpg
All those infants start blurring together, until I cannot tell them apart. Their wardrobes are pretty much the same. Their builds are alike. There's nothing unique or individual about them that can be seen in blurry cell snaps. 

What am I interested in? Adults. I want to see what that one's fiance looks like, if her new glasses are sharp, the cut of the gowns by her wedding. I cannot stand it when someone's profile picture is of their baby. How can I tell if that is the same Yenta Shprintza I met the other day? By trying to figure out if she has her mother's nose? 

It's not because I am a bitter single and I cannot handle the fact you are a mommy. I just find that fact less than scintillating. There's 80.5 million mothers in the USA alone.

So I don't feel that bad about this application. No, I haven't downloaded it, nor do I intend to. But I have been somewhat pushed to the limit. I decided to be considerate enough to remove all visual proof that I am an aunt. For the greater good.

If you put a photo of your itty-bitty one on FB, let it be something amazing, like her walking on the beach with the setting sun behind her. Or, at least, a pose where some effort was made, a snap taken with a quality camera of your child in her dressy best, recently changed out of a soggy diaper. 

6 comments:

The Professor said...

Haha. I started reading the post and was like "I have to comment with the link to unbaby." Then, lo and behold, you posted it :-)

Tovah11 said...

I can't imagine that even people with babies are interested in seeing every movement of someone else's.

Of course every parent thinks their kid is just the cutest ever...but spare us.
'
I generally find the kids interesting around the time they turn 18 or so.

JerusalemStoned said...

Honestly, anything over-shared is underwhelming. How about the Facebook love notes? "Thank you to the best husband in the world for buying me the best gift ever!!! I love you honey! Thank you for marrying me!"

And she replies, "Oh, snooky-wookie, you deserve the best! Thank you for marrying me!"

And I get this disconcerting image of the two of them on the couch together typing on their own iphones.

Put the phones down. Tell it to each other. Like with words. Remember words? And keep it between you two. The rest of us? Not impressed.

Princess Lea said...

That's the thing, isn't it? That's the sadness of FB. Everyone thinks it's about interacting, but often it is a platform for our own narcissism. Yes, your kid is cute. What about mine?

Ugh, oversharing is the pits. I want to barf when they do that.

"I looooove you, best hubsy-wubsy in the whole wide world!"

Tell that to him. I don't have to know about it.

Nechama said...

That's what blogs are for, no?

Princess Lea said...

"Blogs: Express yourself and validate your personal relationships."

I was looking for a black bean soup recipe the other day and was hit in the face with a photo of an apparently insecure woman with her spouse and the tagline: "Isn't he handsome?"

Blah.