Monday, November 19, 2012

Discretionally Yours

"Did you see the baal tefilah today? He's sin-gle!" she sings. There is also a group of her overhearing contemporaries standing outside shul, swiveling to look expectantly in my direction. Next thing I know I find myself having to explain why learning boys and I do not get along, oddly being attacked by a mother of doctors and lawyers.

"I am so excited about this boy that you are going out with," she hisses in a stage whisper during leining. Ears casually incline. She continues to go on about him, much to the delight of eavesdroppers. The date in actuality was nothing to write home about, but in the meantime the whole shul thinks I have a fian.

At shalosh seudos, in the presence of her husband, her daughter, her son-in-law, and the daughter's friend, I find myself backed into a corner why I am not jazzed to go out with the guy she's suggesting. Her daughter's friend doesn't even know me, yet I am being told by an unmarried stranger to go out with him. If I had more guts I would've said she is welcome to date him herself.

And yet, and yet, when their own children date, I am certainly not aware of anything. Many conversations will take place where they magically manage to remain silent about their children's dating sagas. Then, out of the blue, engagements are announced.  

Yet why is my business public domain? Their children, seemingly, scuttled out the back door under cover of darkness to ensure no witnesses for their romances, perhaps employing elaborate disguises, yet my choices, my activities, my life, is up for their loud comments.


Tovah11 said...

I hope that this isn't going to come off in the wrong way.

I have found that, in the Jewish community, things are allowed to be said to Jewish women (which I am) that other people would never be so bold as to say. I find their questions and their comments about my single status (before I got married) very offensive. For example:

1) You're not married yet? What's wrong with you?
2) You're really getting old
3) Your best years are behind you.

Really, I have a problem with this. One friend set me up with someone and we talked on the phone before meeting. He asked me to describe myself ( I said I was small, which I was at the time) and he said, "So..I guess that means you have small boobs'. Then the friend wants to know why I had no desire to ever see him.

I mean, let's have a little bit of respect and tact, OK?

Princess Lea said...

It also seems to be an American thing. Out of the US, there seems to be more . . . manners, in a number of ways, nor a hysteria attached to age.

As for the idiot perv, well, one can't help idiot pervs. They are an occupational hazard when dating. Thank goodness you didn't go out with him and find out then!