Friday, May 16, 2014

I Shall Vanquish Thee!

Mustfallasleepmustfallasleepmustfallasleeeeeeeeep . . .  

Obviously, I wasn't falling asleep. 

I don't operate well under pressure. My cousin's wedding, complete with Shabbos Sheva Brachos (and lechtzin was good and late, by my standards) was nigh. Additionally, Ma had succumbed to a flu-like illness that was making its merry rounds, having flattened uncles, aunts, and cousins; I could tell it had its eye on me. 

Ta and I warily circled her with shirts pulled over our noses, but I feared the worst. Whenever my sleep has not been at its best, my immune system commits hari-kari, and in waltzes, unchallenged, various bacteria and viruses, delicately stepping over the inert corpses of my white blood cells. An effortless coup, if there ever was one; I should just rename my immune system the Vichy government. I have attempted to surreptitiously toot my nose during the maelstrom of sheva brachos speeches more than once. 

I needed to bring in the big-gun mercenaries. 

I had a method—drug-assisted nights, elderberry, neti, and my new discovery, raw garlic. After a failed attempt at valerian root, time was running short. The wedding was that night, and I had—gulp—a tickle in the back of my throat. Like Ma had had. 

For the last month or so I had been religious about dosing myself with raw garlic, which meant my morning commute was rather close-mouthed. Taking it more than once a day in order to keep in tip-top shape would leave me a social pariah, although it must be better than hacking and wheezing. 

There is enough internet babble about the immune benefits of garlic (anti-baterial, anti-viral, anti-fungal, etc. In a study, it was found to be 100 times more effective than antibiotics in treating food-borne illnesses) so I simply had to hit upon a better method of consumption. This option turned out to be the most painless and the least stinky of breath.

Unlike other medications, the body doesn't adapt to the benefits; the garlic defends indefinitely. 

Raw Garlic Supplement for Cold, Flu, and Everything Else Prevention

1) Mince a raw garlic clove. It must be raw, not frozen or pre-diced.  (The easiest way to get the skin off is to wack the clove with a wide-bladed knife, then mince.)

2) Let it "breathe" for a minimum of five minutes, no more than a half hour. This allows the immune-boosting components to manifest; but don't wait too long since eventually they diminish. 

3) Mix with a spoonful of honey. (I'm not really a fan of honey, but I purchased this one and I really like the flavor. Raw honey has anti-bacterial and anti-allergy properties as well.)
4) Try to get it all on the spoon, and swallow it down in one go. The honey helps coat the potency of the garlic on the way down, so no serious tearing or gasping, and no garlic breath either!

5) Keep a banana on standby. Sometimes, when the garlic is at optimum potency (10-15 minutes of airing) even the honey isn't enough to prevent a "HOOOOO!" response. Gulp the garlic-honey and follow with the banana. 
I took a "dose" twice a day while my sleep was in shreds and I shared a roof with Typhoid Ma; since then, I take it once a day. While I usually spend my winters being attacked by every minor fever and cold, since I have been taking it . . . well, that little tickle at the back of the throat just stayed a little tickle at the back of the throat, until it quietly faded away.  

During the wedding itself, the haggard zombies of the flu victims surrounded me, but I feared none. At the Shabbos Sheva Brachos I was actually sneezed directly upon by one, and shared a fork with a niece who began suspiciously coughing just after, but I sailed through the airborne pathogens unassailed. Perhaps because breakfast, lunch, and dinner were followed with my "medicine"? 

I shared my divine discovery with as many as I could, but few heeded my call. Fine, sneeze then, see if I care.

I have garlic on my side.         


Daniel Saunders said...

I liked the line about the Vichy government.

Garlic keeps away vampires too. Seriously, have you been attacked by a vampire lately?

I prefer oranges, though.

Princess Lea said...

Vitamin C can do so much, and orange peppers actually has more.

Vampires is one aspect of fantasy that never quite appealed to me. If cannon decreed that garlic kept the Dark Side away, then there would be a tie-in.