Monday, March 2, 2015

"Don't Waste the Pretty"

"Have you tried _________?" they ask.

I always have tried to take care of that which is in my sphere of influence. Diverting meteorites doesn't fall within my purview, so I do not spend sleepless nights pondering the implosion of the universe. 

I concern myself with returning library books on time, babysitting to the best of my competence, and if I tell someone I will be there at 10:30, I aim to arrive by 10:20.

The question is, where does meeting, wooing, and marrying one's life partner come in? Is that under the "alien invasion" category, out of my hands, or is it a task to be resolved, like doing laundry?

"Did you go to this shadchan?" 

"Have you gone to a singles event?" 

"Do you even want to get married?" 

I found some comfort in, of all places, He's Just Not That Into You by Greg Behrendt (I posted about this book before and before.)
Greg presents the being of men as follows: Guys, when they want a gal, will do their darnedest to get her. That's how their minds work. If they are the ones being actively pursued, but it's not mutual, while they may go grudgingly along with it initially, chances are a long-term relationship will not ensue. 

While women today can be anything they can be, that has not changed the embedded caveman mentality of the modern male. So, ladies, you have to quit being overt in banging-heads-with-frying-pan tactics. If a dude likes you "that" way, he will not let anything stop him.
If a woman is currently in a "I don't know where we stand" crossroads, the fellow is just not that into you. He won't say it, because he doesn't want to have to explain himself, or awkwardly comfort, or deal with messy emotions; he'll drift along until matters peter out or the woman takes a hint and cuts him loose. 

Ever heard a story of a couple who dated for months, years, and the guy won't propose, but as soon as they break up he's engaged to a gal he knew for a couple of weeks? 

Girls like to make excuses, to find reasons. 

"Well, he would have gone out with me again if—"

"His brother got divorced, so he's scared." 

"I know he will propose. I know it. Soon. I just have to—"

"Don't waste the pretty," Greg says.

Women, your job is to look fabulous. 

That's it.

We like to think we have evolved, or something. But the dating mores weren't much different on the Starship Enterprise. Women still wore makeup, and Riker was the master of the pickup line.
Am I doing "enough"? 

I think so.       


Daniel Saunders said...

Perhaps some, even most, men are like that, but some of us are shy and procrastinate (“Are we really compatible? Does she like me or is she being polite?”) and fear rejection and so say nothing and do nothing. And stay single.

Anonymous said...

Not true, Not true. Many guys are so afraid of getting hurt / committing to someone / whatever other excuse - they might really want to be with a girl and just never make a move so they settle for this weird complicated relationship. Guy / Girl dynamics are complicated. Many times its the girls having to hit the guy over the head by telling the guy they like him. This is not a situation narrowed down to one rule fits all.

Princess Lea said...

DS: True that.

Anon: Of course. But I, too, have my frustrated moments, and not the type to force a situation, I like me a little comfort.

Although it helps I don't have the positive commandment to marry, so it's all on the guys. Cackle.