Tuesday, August 9, 2011

No Blessing Needed

There was a man who had four daughters. While visiting Rav Moshe (THE Rav Moshe) on another matter, he asked for a bracha. 
Rav Moshe asked him: "Do your daughters want to marry?"


"Does your wife want them to marry?" 


"Do you want them to marry?"


"So why do you need a bracha from me for? Hashem wants them to marry, too!"

The man left, blessing-less. 

This story was heard back from the man himself, and I use it often as a source of validation. 

Is there any story in Tanach about an unmarried woman pining away for a husband, or vice versa? People plead to God for health, for children, for salvation, but I can't recall if ever for a spouse. (Leah cried that she didn't want to marry Esav, but not for a replacement. Hashem gave her one anyway).

Shouldn't that mean something? 

So much of our survival as a people involves the family unit. We are programmed as souls to desire a helpmeet, and God does provide. He sculpted one specifically for Adam, for pity's sake.

There are many things in the world to worry about. I try to concern myself with the things in my control, only. When it comes to shidduchim, that is out of my hands. 

I do my hishtadlus, which according to the print that I could find involves dressing up. I have been burned by actively seeking shadchanim, so I don't bother. Segulos is not my family's thing (Rabbi Yisroel Reisman isn't a fan either). If someone is redt to me, I usually end up going out with him, not bothering with references. References in the end don't know what the caller is looking for, and all sorts of misinformation can emerge as a result. 

I just do what I gotta do, and no blessing is needed.  


Yedid Nefesh said...

No blessing at all?
The story with Rav Moshe is really nice and doesn't exactly support the idea that you need His help in finding a spouse.
you make a good point though about tanach, except that Eliezer did pray for Hashem to help him find a wife for Itschak

Princess Lea said...

Ah, but did Yitzchok daven HIMSELF? Eliezer was the messenger.

Of course you need the Eibishter's help, but it would seem that when it comes to marriage, one shouldn't have to kill oneself running around for brachos or segulos.

Yedid Nefesh said...

yeah i am not big into brachos at all times, i feel like its just something to make ppl feel good with no value (unless its like from your dad who loves you and all)

Princess Lea said...

EXACTLY! If my Zaidy or any other close family member gave me a bracha, then it would MEAN something. But to go a rabbi who doesn't know you from Adam who would rather be learning right now - let him learn, rather.

harry-er than them all said...

What about Dina who was afraid noone would marry her after Shechem and forced Shimon to marry her?

What about the daughters of Tzelaphchad who were single, so were afraid of being left out of E"Y? On a side note: Chazal say that they waited a very long time to get married because they only wanted to marry within their shevet and could not find a suitable guy for a long time.

What about Ruth, who forces Boaz's hand?

Or Tamar who did the same with Yehuda?

Princess Lea said...

I'm not sure how that goes against my point. When the Avos and Imahos daven for a child, it is constantly mentioned.

These females made their own destinies. They didn't stay home and weep; they went out and got themselves a man.

Perhaps us females should just hit the streets with tranquilizer darts . . .

Princess Lea said...

Apparently one of the many joys of Tu B'Av was that the daughters of Tzelaphchad were, at some point, permitted to marry outside their shevet and keep their chelek. Meaning, it wasn't a voluntary thing. They were required for a time to marry within their shevet.