Monday, February 25, 2013

This Doesn't Just Happen

I can't stand it when people ask me a question but then don't want to hear the answer. 

"How did you manage to get your lipstick to stay on for three days on yontif?"

"I ate with a dessert spoon and used a straw and—"

She scoffs, cutting me off, waving a disparaging hand. 

This is not an isolated case.

Often, people ask me questions but are unhappy with my answers, annoyed I didn't say what they wanted to hear. 

In this woman's case, I'm guessing she wanted me to tell her that:

(1) I found some magic lipstick that stays on despite soup slurping, apple munching, and sleeping with one's face in the pillow; 

(2) That I had put in on on yontif

(3) I am I actually a mutant whose x-genome/power is makeup without products, like Mystique.
Yup, you found me out.
Then the one who inquires as to my skin regimen. "What do you do with your face already?" 

"It takes me about 20 minutes every night. I wash, I exfoliate, I moisturize, I eye cream, I lip balm—" 

"Oh, please, what for?" 

"So my skin will look good when I'm 50." 

"C'mon! Your skin will look fine at 50!" 

How do you know? And what is it to you how I spend my time? 

Walking along with my niece, she sighed that she wished her hair was like mine.

Her untamed tresses, when thoroughly brushed, gleam like rose gold. Any issues she has is with its texture—thick, frizzy, riotous waves—which could be helped with serious conditioning. I would know, since my hair, untreated, would have the same consistency.

"Cookie, do you think my hair just happens? Every week I massage in coconut oil, then let it sit for an hour; after shampooing it out, I condition again; next, leave-ins and serums; finally I carefully style, trying not to torture my hair too much, until my arms are exhausted." 

Her eyes glaze over. "Forget I said anything."

But there is hope for her, yet. She religiously uses the oversized bottle of Garnier Fructis Sleek & Shine Conditioner I gave her, and claims to use the de-frizzing serum from me as well. One day she arrives at the house, product free, her hair refusing the ministrations of a brush. I quickly dampen her hair, slap in some product, blow it a little, and while she grumbles throughout the process she can't resist stroking her now manageable mane.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained. If you are going to ask me how my eyeshadow stays on, here's a heads up: It's work, not fairy dust.


FrumGeek said...

I like option number 3 :)
(and FYI, fairy dust is for flying)

Anonymous said...

I would actually like to know how you keep eyeshadow on. Mine comes off SO easily. ~Aliza

Maya Resnikoff said...

Either they're tuning out as soon as it becomes apparent that your results don't feel worth that level of effort for themselves (which is disrespectful, given that they asked the question), or maybe some of them are clumsy attempts at giving you a compliment, and not looking for an answer. But it does sound really annoying, as someone who has put real work into figuring these things out.

Wondering Minds said...

OOOHHH! Jennifer Lawrence :-P

Princess Lea said...

FG: There are many possible properties to fairy dust; flying is specific to "Peter Pan," whereas makover powers are present in "Cinderella." Keep an open mind when it comes to fairy tales.

Aliza: On weekdays, I tap on a layer of SPF tinted moisturizer around my eye layer to provide sun protection (this can also be done with foundation) and it holds on to eyeshadow like nobody's business all day.

For Shabbos and events, I love Too Faced Shadow Insurance.

MR: And I'm sure they work hard on their own interested that holds absolutely no appeal for me. That's why I don't bother to ask a question when I do not care to hear the answer.

WM: ?

Wondering Minds said...


Anonymous said...

Thanks!!! ~Aliza

Princess Lea said...

WM: Dude, Mytique in recent years was played by Rebecca Romijn. Keep up; J.L. only got here recently. She can't have been in everything yet.

Wondering Minds said...

"Mystique in recent years"...was played by Jennifer Lawrence...
X-Men: First Class (the most recent X-Men movie) and X-Men: Days of Future Past (the next Mystique appearance), are both played by J Law.

Princess Lea said...

Great, now I'm the one out of the loop. But in my defense, as a girl, I'm just giggling at Wolverine. Helloooo, Hugh . . .

FrumGeek said...

Well Rebecca has played Mysique in every movie thus far. It's just that MOST of the time in First Class she was played by Jennifer, but remember that Rebecca played her too (in that scene with Magneto, when she's in his bed).