Wednesday, February 27, 2013

What Snooki and Shadchanim Have in Common

Shadchanim are our version of reality television. 

Consider: There are no credentials to become a "shadchan"; one doesn't even have to have a marriage at one's urging to qualify one of that status. One just needs a loose-leaf with arbitrary names, and poof! One is a shadchan

One day a woman (or every once in a while, a man) decides she wants to get into this business. Her motivations may differ; they could be financial, or be as pure as driven snow, or something much less noble. She cheerfully heads out front with a hammer and nails, and erects a homemade sign announcing the shadchan is in the house. 

Almost immediately she is besieged by phone calls. She is sought after. She is admired. She is pursued by eager supplicants. Her name is whispered reverently and respectfully.

She is awash in her fifteen minutes of fame.

I don't haunt shadchanim, since I rarely have had a date from them. But I do end up going to one from time to time, since they call me. "Hi, Mrs. ___________ mentioned your name, I would like to meet you." 

I can almost predict what happens. You sit, they ask about you to the minutest detail, then they pretty much admit they don't know anyone for you, did you ever try this shadchan in LA? Why don't you fly out to meet her? 

Lady, what are you smoking? 

It gets worse. 

One who is known to the family decided to inform a "shadchan" of my existence, and told me to email the woman. I thought it was the same way as all my previous "dates" with shadchanim; they asked to meet me. However, next thing I know the middle-person is screeching how could I have dared to insinuate in my email to this all-powerful deity that she would "want" to meet me; you want to meet her! You are supposed to act, she bellowed, and I quote, "confident and eager." 

If I am ever going to be "confident and eager," there better be an eligible bachelor across the table. 

Is this what people think the shidduch system is? That I need a shadchan for a shadchan?

I am very thankful that I have many friends, family, and acquaintances who constantly try to set me up, and they have engineered many a date on my behalf, all without shredding my ego. Some even called themselves "shadchanim," but they actually had some qualifications; along with treating another human being with dignity, and not wasting my time. That is what is known as "the shidduch system."

But in all sadness and hysteria, wouldn't it make an awesome reality series? "The Shadchans of Kings County," or "Matchmaking Mavens," or "New York Yentas"? 
Anymore suggestions? 

It would show the initial interview with the so-called shadchan, and the resulting bad dates (a few good ones would be included from time to time)

"My name is Chaya, I am 25, I live in Brooklyn, and I'm seeking . . . the man of my dreams.

"My name is Aharon, I am 25, I live in Queens, and . . . I am on the search for my life partner." 

"My name is Mrs. Schwartz, and I am a shadchan. I set up Chaya and Aharon, and tonight we will see if my intuition was correct." 

Cut to restaurantSplices of awkward conversation. Then, the aftermath

"Um, he's a really nice guy, but I am not sure yet if he is for me . . .

"She's a great gal, but I would like one more date to see if this has any potential."  

It would get rockin' ratings!               


Tovah11 said...

Oh my gosh. That reality show would be a hit!

You should write up a proposal and send it into a network.

MIghty Garnel Ironheart said...

I had one shadchan set me up (centrist Religious Zionist) with a young woman who was slightly to the left of Satmar. She faked a migraine to get out of the date once she saw my jeans and knitted kippah.
I had another who met me, asked me a lot of questions and then told me she had the perfect girl for me only that girl in question had made aliyah a week earlier. And I told her that this was a first because usually the girls meet me and then flee the country.

Anonymous said...

i would absolutely watch said show. you should pitch it to bravo - they'll need something to follow up "shahs of sunset."

The Beckster said...

Yes! They should totally have a Shadchan's reality show. This is your new job Princess Lea: Get your pen and paper ready, scribble out the pilot, and send it to ABC, of those anyways.So many singles have experienced the whole exhausting shidduch system. Recently, a shadchan asked me "So where do you want to be in 3 years from now? 5 years? 10 years? Who is your role model? Why is he/she your role model?" It was such an intense interview, and then, as predicted, she says :I don't think I have anyone for you." Sweet.

Single on the Scene said...

oooohhh! this would be one of those TLC shows I would watch. Heck! I feel like I'm part of it already. But 'meet the guy's mom' part would be a whole separate reality show-like project runway.
I also, once got the Jewish reality show version 'The Bachur'. See post here: