Addictive Personalities

"Cocaine reconnected my mind to my body, and I felt tremendously alive, hypersexual and hopeful once again," he wrote. "At least I had a new God to believe in, even if I knew all along this was a false God, a deceitful God, one who always promised misery and defeat. So, I choose this God of intense extremes over the monotony of everyday life." - A Failure of Happiness by Charles Lyons

I like monotony. It's safe, boring, and uneventful. I don't mind spending a day pottering about the house if there is nothing else to do. I never crave vacations for "a change of scene." I have the same lunch every day and consume it happily. I live my life by predictable routine, and I am content to do so.

I always wondered about addictive personalities. Why does one keep drinking or keep getting high or keep gambling if they know that crash is going to come, if they know they'll hit rock bottom? 

I hypothesized that for these individuals, they don't care what the consequences of the "rush" will be. They just want to feel that boost, even though it will bring them crashing right back down. 

For someone like me—the last time I had a milkshake I was three and had thrown up—I can't fathom it. Negative reinforcement can work its magic on me in no time at all.

One can, of course, make comparisons to the yetzer hara, but in these cases the retribution comes much swifter, meaning one can see what went wrong and how to avoid it. But they don't. 

The story cited above details a brilliant student's fall from reachable brilliance to an early, wasted death. It is a shame how so many, full of glittering potential and intellect, are sucked into the Dark.