Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Bar > Web

Since I have decided to opt out of online matchmaking for now, I get some flack for it. ("My neighbor's uncle's cousin three times removed met someone once on a website! You should totally try it!")

But this article (written, if can be gauged from the names, by Jews) strips any higher success rate from online dating.

Websites deal with only a few aspects of what makes a successful relationship. They don't take in certain outside factors, which can throw off their data. Additionally, they operate under the premise that what makes a great relationship is similarities. 

Yes, some similarities do help, says the article, like race and religion. But when it comes to personality types, studies show that being alike has very little impact. 

In the end, what really matters in a relationship is the personal interaction, not a clinical dissection of shared qualities over a chilly computer screen.
None of this suggests that online dating is any worse a method of meeting potential romantic partners than meeting in a bar or on the subway. But it’s no better either.
I thought of all those couples I know that I would never, ever, have set up together. Their personalities were so different. But they clicked anyway. 

OK, people! Let's start mingling! Because there is no replacement for meeting someone face to face. Asking for insanely detailed information is pointless, because in the end, those details aren't the ones that matter. 


Anonymous said...

I think everyone on SYAS and Frumster will admit that there not on it because they think its a better way to meet someone rather they've exhausted all other resources and view it as a last resort that might work.

ZP said...

I agree with Anonymous. Every person needs to put ishtadlus and for each person that can be something different. I have great friends, normal/beautiful/great families etc who met their spouse on YUconnects. It has become much more standard now.

If you feel uncomfortable, I get it, but if you are not going to coed shiurim/events, speaking to shadchanim etc, this is a good way to put some sort of effort (aside from davening etc).

Princess Lea said...

I am not saying it is impossible, nor is the article. It is saying that by going on a dating websites, the chance of success are on par with mingling in a bar. There is no added advantage.

ZP: I wasn't bashing anyone who went on a dating website, or saying dating websites are pointless, or questioning the sanity/looks/background of anyone who does go on a dating website.

But I would say the success of YUConnects is because there is already one parameter taken care of: a YU outlook. There's one big similarity.

There are more categories to effort, of course, then you are suggesting. For instance, my father sites a source which says that when a daughter is eligible, her father should buy her cosmetics and clothing to make her attractiveness more apparent.

It doesn't necessarily have to be a specific singles function for it to qualify as hishtadlus.

ZP said...

A girl may look amazing with all the make up and clothing her father bought her, but if she stays at home, where no one sees her, what good does it do?

Now, I DO (strongly) believe tefillah is a huge part of ishtadlus, but we live in a physical world, that requires action.

So yes, websites may not be "THE" answer for all, but it is better than doing nothing or staying at home, even if one is all dolled up.

p.s. YU is a HUGE spectrum and that is something that people, specially from the yeshivish community, do not understand. Even within the i.e. YU semicha program, there are different hashkafot.

Princess Lea said...

So the only way a girl can leave home if it is a specifically singles function?