Thursday, May 31, 2012

I'm in Denial and I Know It

"I don't care what he's 'doing,'" she said. "I just want to get married." 

I wonder about those sort of situations. Sure, I would really, really, really like to get married. But to have no standards or expectations at all?

My fellow females are not always so discerning. Sometimes it is blatantly obvious this guy isn't good enough for her; she is an absolute angel, he needs a swift kick in the pants.
Debbi Dickinson writes of her own tale of marrying down, and she knew she was doing it. But she was 28 (she's no youngster now, so this may have been when singlehood still had a blatant stigma) and she wanted to move on with her life, even if he was a liar. No surprise then when her marriage ceased to be. 

Sarah Berry's article references the need for brainpower, not just following the heart. 
When your gut grumbles, it's always important to listen says Christine Meinecke, PhD . . . "Instead of following your heart, use your head and trust your gut."
She says that while using your heart (along with your intellect and intuition) is important for forming a holistic picture of a person or situation, intensity of feeling can lead us to make hasty decisions.
Rather, good decisions are made when we take the time to listen to our intellect and intuition ("gut"). 
Meaning, what's the rush? If it is meant to be, a little time to ponder the matter can't hurt. 

The gal who professed her desperate desire for a husband got engaged, but the wedding was called off. I hope it was because she realized that no matter one's yearning for wedlock, one should still not sell themselves short while remaining realistic.


ZP said...

I have mentioned before that sometimes girls get more caught up with getting engaged and married than the person they are going to be (iy"H) spending the rest of their lives with.

Though I agree that you shouldn't marry a liar or someone that clearly is NOT for you, we are not meant to wait for a perfect person, a prince in shining armor, because that person doesn't exist. We are meant to find someone that brings out the best in us, is going to be our best friend and encourages us, and who we want to share olam haze and olam haba with. Even if you know the person for many months or years, it is STILL a leap of faith. You are trusting that person, that relationship, you are opening up, and it is still a risk.

Princess Lea said...

That's why I said "while remaining realistic."

MIghty Garnel Ironheart said...

Yeah, I dated a girl once whose standards for getting married meant
1) the guy having a pulse
2) not being the last girl in her Beis Yaakov class to get married

It ain't that much fun for us either, eh?

Princess Lea said...

Well, I'm not the last BY girl yet . . .